Martin Beck Nworah Monday, August 22, 2016 6
“Nawaoo I no dey like this kin tin. Why will somebody always remove the bulb in this passage every time? I hope say no be that nonsense Beck wey collect am again this time.”
My neighbour was furious. He bought 5 bulbs within the last three weeks for our spot at the passage. I keep removing them and denying till he bought a red bulb and it got missing as usual, he saw it in my room. As he was furiously knocking on my door now, I planned on the perfect lie to tell again.
“Bia Beck, Martin, Nworah, Becktaima, Maitaima, Nwotaima, MBN, idiot, goat open this door. You don collect am as usual abi?"
“O boy calm down. Why are you shouting as if your bet has casted as usual? I didn’t take the bulb but it fell down so I kept it safe somewhere in Jane’s room.”
Of course he knew I was lying because after I refused to help Jane in cooking her sweet egusi soup one cold evening like that, she has stopped talking to me out of anger.
“Beck, stop this nonsense. No dey collect that bulb again…I no like as you dey use my generosity dey play, you don dey old for dis kin rubbish play. I no get joy again oooo. Mana wait ooo, you get light for your room but light no dey this whole building except my gen and that of Jizzy for ground floor. You dey use solar?”
This one is another issue because my neighbour is not aware that I tapped his generating set power supply to my own room. When you have a crazy girlfriend admiring a stupid single writer, things are made easy so it wasn’t difficult for me to connect it while he was away.
“You are right. I am using solar and it is very expensive.”
“Chai. Oga Beck nawaooo…na big man you be ooo. Using solar powered light 24/7 in this Buharitic times. Make I enter room launch am for you na. abeg clear for door.” He shoved me aside and walked into my room.
“Guy who get this song wey dey play? Na Phyno?”
“No. Its Zoro featuring Phyno…achikolo. The jam na die.”
“Die na. idiot. I like the jamz shaa…you go send am through Xender for me later. Wey your solar system? I wan see if na the type we get for my papa house for village."
“Actually, the solar something is outside because I don’t want it to occupy space inside here and you know I need space for my works.” I was simply making frantic efforts at explaining and it wasn’t making sense to me even.
“Guy, I hope say you never tap my generator light? Because the way wey my fuel take dey finish for the past two weeks now no funny.”
In this situation, the normal thing is to feign ignorance or take a stance of anger to see if this discussion would change. After shouting about my being a big boy who can afford anything he wants and why should he stand there to insult me over ordinary Tiger light. He kept walking around the room to see where the connection was made. So I confronted him.
“Bros leave abeg. I told you I had solar…is it by force to see it? Is it your solar? I don’t like this kind of embarrassment ooo. Comot here abeg.”
“ahhhhh…ogbeni MBN chill na. Someone cannot play with you, is that how you used to do? No P I go comot your room but I go show again. Na my light you tap. Criminal.”
“Biko leave my room. In fact let me escort you out sef.”
As I softly pushed him out of the room and followed behind him, we heard a loud shout from the dark passage.
“Jisos…big rat ooooo”
When I flashed my torch to the direction of the sound we heard, it was Ada. We laughed her to scorn and my neighbour took the centre stage in adding the perfect icing to the cake.
“See you. If na to exchange words with me and shout on top your voice, you go dey shake boobs upandan. See ordinary rat dey fear you. Nonsense gey… comot here joor.
I laughed even hard at his silly comment and as Ada walked past us, she gave out a very loud and long hiss while shoving my neighbour aside.
“Bastard son of a thousand fathers”