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» » Chai! I clubbed again

Martin Beck Nworah Saturday, August 13, 2016 9

“Orobo get money but orobo no sabi to shake body…lekpa no get money but you know say na lekpa dey scatter the place ooo.”

Saturday night was the graduation party of a close pal and he insisted I joined him to celebrate. Innocent MBN thought the party would hold at an eatery with bottles of malt but I ended up seeing myself in the club (names withheld).

As we got inside, I observed the pictures of different world leaders; Mandela, Obama, Martin Luther King Jr, etc and I was tempted to ask if these men club at night too or did their political ideals influence babes that twerk and make guys stand up while sitting down.

“omo abule sowo…omo abule sowo, if anybody f up…I go put them in their place…I no do real estate and management but…”

Olamide’s Abule Sowo was blasting and deafening my ears as I found the entry to the VIP section. Everyone passed and the bouncer stopped me, pointing at the bottled Fanta I was holding; insisting I must keep it before entering the VIP. Chai…my face turned red. The fanta someone bought at #200 for me (of course I have a way of always forgetting my wallet and cards at home when going to places like this). I sadly dropped it and moved in…the bouncer pounced on it and finished it immediately. I found a perfect spot where I sat down to start judging people because I don’t support badt badt things.

I brought out the empty Hennessey bottle I hid in my dress and filled it with coke…my alcoholic intake is near zero in real life. People who knew the colour of Hennessey kept looking at me and wondering... how come?

My observation starts.

“All she wants is whiskey and brandy…no more sitting she wants me standing…all she need she desire milk and tea….choi baba for the girls, baba for the girls”

I sighted one guy who was pretending to be blind. He must have been drunk to stupor because I saw his friends encouraging him to finish almost half bottle of red label. He stretched out his hands as if trying to find a right of way and his hands landed on a lady’s succulent boobs. A heavy slap landed on his cheeks and the DJ stopped playing. We all pretended and music continued. The highness come clear for him eyes.

“Enimoney…oya dab oya dab…like Timaya baby I concur”

At another corner, I observed a guy who has asked more than 6 ladies to dance with him all to no avail. I really felt bad for him. He managed to enter the VIP and extended his red cup for me to share him some Hennessey. He confirmed my miracle of turning Hennessey to coke. Sitting not five feet away from me, one guy has been moving from one table to another forming familiarity. He would approach your table, shake everybody, set his red cup and enjoy your shisha pipe. Raise hands and move to the next table. And that guy is someone’s brother.

I have been licking my lips and admiring one fair babe like that on red dancing and rocking away. She staggered and fell into the couch just beside me oozing out a combination of expensive perfume and ciga. She came close to my ear and I thought she wanted to ask something reasonable…. “guy abeg, you dey see my boobs?” it was obvious she is high. I asked if she came with anybody and she pointed at her friends’ far way. I smiled and MBN da tiger bided his time…once the music got into her head again, she got up and we rocked away. Having treated her well, I got a head in appreciation.

“I buy motor I dey travel go Obodo Oyibo…na private jet remain for me brother you know…Okwudili biko bia na ebe a take photo…chakam”

To avoid been bounced from the VIP, an anonymous guy to my left had to buy a spirit of 7k and never finished it. It was the same bouncers that came back afterwards to hail him and drink the remainder of the drink.

When guys saw the special service the fair lady in red gave MBN, five guys rounded her immediately she stood up to dance again. I shock. Naija guys and standing behind the back of ladies ehh.

Of course at the club, everyone is equal. From the 1st class people to the 3rd class peeps, the dropouts and ndi nwe street, there’s a common denominator; the total suspension of rational reasoning and the activation of John Thomas and Boobs booty brain.

“oya talk to my oh mama…bo lorun soro mi dayo with you, baby all I seek I find it in you”


To be continued.

*If you believe the head part, you're on your own.
*If you believed this story, OYO is your case.
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9 comments Chai! I clubbed again

  1. Hehehehhehe... Funny dude.

  2. Chai... Feeling like I was der in person. You killed it bro.

  3. Mehn.. You are something else. I can't stop laughing. Hahahahhaha

  4. Lol,you don't like badt badt things.. Story for the gods...

  5. Your pen is indeed mightier than sword!


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